I spoke with a father recently who informed me he had been separated from his wife for over a year. Their relationship was over, however he wanted to stay involved in the lives of his children. He openly admitted their would be periods of time he would not have contact with his children due to the strained relationship he had with his wife. Although he had not yet filed paperwork through the courts for custody and visitation he never thought mother would move without contacting him.
Father became suspicious when he tried to contact mother on her house phone and the number was disconnected. He tried calling her on the cell phone and it went straight to voicemail. He stated he went to the residence where she resided and the property had been vacated. To no avail, he received no help from her family and was lost on what to do. As I do with anyone I speak with, I tell them, ” it will be okay, this is a process and I will assist you as much as I can”.
The first thing I told father he needs to do, is go to court and file paperwork. What he needs to file is an Order to Show Cause. Fancy title for saying ” I need a court date”!!!!. Once that is filed it will give him an opportunity to speak to a judge. However before speaking to the judge, you will proably go to mediation first. At that meeting with the mediator ( both parties are present together)you can discuss what sort of parenting plan you would like to have. Do keep in mind, the other party has an opportunity as well to discuss what they would like. It beehove parties to think realistically about what would be a good parenting plan for their children. Remember children did not ask to be put in this situation, however these are unfortunate situations that sometimes occur. Let me digress for a moment. If you are unable to serve the parent because she has moved, but you know where the children go to school. You could have someone indiscreetly (preferrably not in the school but in the parking lot if possible) serve mother. Now I am not saying this is the way to serve her, there is never an easy way to serve a parent custody and visitation papers, but if you have no idea where she lives, or where she works, the school may be the last resort. That is a judgment call. If the children see this, this could be and emotionally difficult moment for all parties. Back to the issue at hand. Once you have your mediation hearing, come prepared with a REASONABLE parenting plan. Don’t come with expectations of gaining custody and not allowing the other parent to not see the children because you have missed out, that sort of thinking is counterproductive to the best interest of the children. Instead think about what would be a fair an equitable parenting plan for all parties involved. Remember parenting plans can be MODIFIED. What you agree with today, can be changed later.
I encouraged father to really put some thought into an appropriate plan. Although he has not seen his children now going on almost two months, he must develop a plan based on clear thinking and not off of anger or emotion towards mother. I know( becuase they have expressed this) judges do not know your children as well as you do. Don’t allow them to make a decision about your childrens best interest. Always remember, do whats in the best interest of your child.
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